Special Education Placements
Navigating Relationships with Staff and Teachers
It is natural for communication challenges to occur between parents of children in residential placements and the teachers and daily living staff. For parents who have had to be highly involved in the care of their children, it can be agonizing to give up their role as the primary caregiver. Turning the care of a high-need, vulnerable child over to complete strangers is particularly hard in the beginning. But it does get easier as parents have a chance to get to know and trust the staff.
Just as divorced parents in different households may disagree about how to care for their children, it is understandable for disagreements and communication challenges to occur between parents and residential staff. Issues such as diet, visitation schedules, FaceTime/phone call frequency between parents and children, clothing, cleanliness standards, and quality of overall caregiving can be potential sources of tension. When parents and staff have different perspectives, priorities, and values, conflicts may arise.
Where Do I Bring My Concerns?
The more serious issues, such as managing self-injurious or aggressive behavior, or educational approach, are typically addressed more formally during IEP and other team meetings. Learn how the team communicates information so that you know how your concerns will be shared with all staff (weekly team meeting, communication logs at the beginning and end of each shift). It is important to identify who you turn to with your concerns, big and small. Some schools will assign a case manager or other point person to communicate with you on a weekly basis. Knowing the leadership structure is helpful so you can turn to supervisors or others in leadership positions when needed. Fellow parents may informally let you know who was effective at problem-solving for their child (e.g., the director of the child's residence, a person in another department such as family services).
When Should I Advocate and When Should I Let Go?
Each school has their own rules and culture. Families are included in the life of the school and their child’s daily life in varying degrees. Sometimes parents have to accept certain rules even though they may advocate and work toward change with the school’s administration.
Some parents have concerns about menu options, such as the amount healthy vs. junk food, which are bound to be different than what was served at home. It can be difficult for parents to give up control over their child’s eating, activity level, and other health habits. Other parents may get upset about toys, books, or other belongings getting damaged or lost, or clothes that don’t match or are accidentally worn by housemates.
Most parents struggle to figure out which issues to discuss with staff versus what to let go. This is not always easy. When parents find themselves feeling angry about some issue, it helps to talk things over with a spouse or trusted friend first before deciding if, when, and how to bring this up with residential staff. These are important, potentially long-term relationships you are trying to preserve. Tact, sensitivity, and protecting the dignity of staff are key when addressing issues that you all may have strong feelings about. A positive, respectful relationship between you and your child's staff and teachers can extend to how they treat your child.
Parents can ask themselves what really matters to help them choose what issues are worth discussing. Keep in mind the big picture:
-
What is the overall care of the child? If good, it's easier to let go of the small stuff.
-
Accept minor mistakes and human imperfections, especially if your child has positive relationships with their staff.
-
Assume good intentions and that everyone is trying their best.
